realizations..

practicing injections on keith. heheh...

The 100th post!..

They told me.. "in this program, you will come out a totally different person by the time you graduate." and it was just recently that i've finally come into this realization.. i have never been so dedicated and persistant about something in my entire life in ways that it takes over my time for myself, time with my family, and time from keith. these three things that i constantly juggle everyday plus work, tests to study for, and ridiculous amount of homework that i get everyday.

Then one day it finnaly hit me. i've never made this many sacrifices or felt so passionate about doing something.. ever like this. to come into a profession in which you can save a life.. or change one... to be able to come home and feel a self satisfaction that you made someones day just a little better by taking care of them. ... i have to tell you, its a beautiful thing.

I had a classmate who i didn't usually sit next to, bc my usual buddy was absent that day. she said to me, "you know jess, ive really seen you grow since the beginning of the program." i looked at her and busted out crying in the middle of our break. inside i was telling myself, god your such a baby for always crying. but it was kind of true. i was a little overwhelmed and kind of scared of the person i've turned into just within 7 months.. a little more mature, a little more careful, and definately a lot more smarter about decisions that have to be made.

Sometimes i tell myself, why do i make myself work 24-28 hours a week, plus having to go to school everyday, get about 4-5 hours of sleep everyday and torture myself? Then i just remember that this is what i really need to survive. fast paced and to be stressed out as much as possible. thats just how i function. and thats how ive always been. and also because, really, i know i can just do it. like a boss.

:)